Introducing Molly Maid’s Messy Roommate Boot Camp

Man lying on ground scrubbing floor next to a bucket, with woman standing over him holding whistle and pointing at the soap suds
Drop and give me 100 mop lunges! (Mop-ups?)

Molly Maid is excited to announce our new roommate training boot camp. A program tailored to suit your individual needs to address messy roommates and the frequent tension that can arise from a pile of dirty dishes; long gone are full trash bins, bathroom sink scum, and dust bunny communities. Our curriculum is focused to deliver insightful routines and tactics to deal with messy people.

Our maid sergeants will deploy to your home in the wee hours of the morning to begin recruit training. We’ll warm up with vigorous calisthenics using mops, brooms and vacuums to familiarize the recruits. Following warm up, our maids will transition into a training program that leaves no room for slackers or slobs.

We’ll turn your roommate into a clean freak through rigid implementation of exercises, including:

  • Vacuum relay races
  • Close quarters dusting
  • Crumb search and rescue
  • Long range window cleaning

These exercises are meant to create a foundation for effective and efficient cleaning by reproducing the hostile and stressful environments roommates foster by their carelessness. We offer effective measures to prevent bad habits from resurfacing in the form of physical exercise and menial labor. Our maids will be on standby to punish slackers and instill useful techniques on how to deal with messy people, including:

  • Shower Pole Chin-ups
  • Strategic Passive-Aggressive Sticky Note Placement
  • Cleaning the Mystery Goo at the Bottom of the Recycling Bins
  • Relocation of Dirty Dishes Left in the Sink to Their Bed
  • Cleaning Bathroom Grout with a Toothbrush

Upon completion of the program, cadets will receive a certificate of completion, recognizing their devotion and commitment to habits they should have learned forever ago. They’ll also receive a Molly Maid micro-fiber cloth, to assist them in their future cleaning pursuits—of which there will be many.

Stop fretting over how to ask your roommate to wipe down the stove top after frying a pound of bacon, and contact your local Molly Maid or call us to arrange our boot camp program today. April Fools’!!!